People pleasing is a topic that comes up a lot in the Hungry for Happiness community. As a recovering people pleaser myself, I totally understand that the struggle is real.
So what exactly is people pleasing?
People pleasing is when you value someone else’s experience over your own. It’s when you say no when you mean yes and yes when you mean no. When it comes to being a people pleaser, there is usually an underlying core belief of, “I’m not good enough.”
Let’s get right to nipping this overwhelming, exhausting, and energy sucking epidemic in the bud…
Here are my three favourite ways to stop people pleasing for good:
#1: Shift Your Belief
Is your people pleasing core belief, “I’m not good enough”? If not, spend some time to think about and uncover your own core belief.
Once you know your core belief, you can shift it by using the following, “I am in the process of…” You can’t jump right in to implementing a counter statement to your core belief, because you’ve believed and bought into this core belief for years. That’s why you need to begin to slowly shift your belief.
For example, if your core belief is, “I’m not good enough,” then your process statement could be, “I am in the process of believing that I am enough and I am valued.”
Shifting your beliefs doesn’t happen overnight, so be consistent with monitoring when your belief surfaces and immediately counter it with your process statement.
#2: Value Yourself
You are valuable. Your time is valuable. Your love is valuable.
It’s important to not spend all of your time and energy on others. In fact, go one step further and make sure you fill yourself up so that you can give from a place of abundance. When you give from a place of scarcity and lack, you tend to resent the people you are giving to.
First and foremost, protect your own experience, and then give from a place of overflow.
You can do this by saying no when you mean no and yes when you mean yes. If someone asks you to do something and you don’t want to do it, just say no. You do not need to give a reason or excuse – just say no if something doesn't feel good to you.
The more you put this method into action, the easier it will become.
#3: Set Boundaries
Boundaries and structure create flow in your life. When you communicate your boundaries to people, it teaches them how to treat you.
Really check in with yourself so that you can do what feels good to you, not what others want you to do. The more you connect with your body, the more you’ll learn how to decipher between a visceral yes vs. a visceral no.
Finally, to help you recover from being a people pleaser, I want to share with you my ninja strategy to stay consistent with saying no…
Seriously! When you say no because it feels good to you, take a moment to honor and appreciate yourself for making that decision. The more you can celebrate doing something for yourself, the better it feels in your body, and the more you will want to do it.
I hope you found this post helpful. Comment below to let me know which strategy vibes with you! And if you’d like to watch the video version of How to Stop People Pleasing, click here.
Ps – If you're ready to take the next step and finally end your battle with food, you're ready for the Society. Click here to apply.