Why Structure Is Keeping You Stuck

Let’s be real: all of us are guilty of trying to control our way to happiness. By now you’ve probably realized that this method doesn’t work. It’s impossible to white-knuckle your way through life and be genuinely happy.


This need for control often runs deep. It’s about identities that we buy into about ourselves as well as beliefs that we have about who we are and our potential. We cling to these false truths because they’re familiar, and we’re terrified of what will happen if we “lose control.”


Each of us has a structured self and a fluid self. Your structured self is the false identity of who you think you need to be. It’s likely that this self is founded on beliefs that aren’t yours, just stories you picked up along the way. Maybe when you were little, your parents always described you as shy and timid, so although this wasn’t your innate way of being, you started to fit this identity to make your parents happy.



Your fluid self is more flexible, it’s when you allow yourself to be and live according to what feels good in the moment. It’s when you surrender to the flow of life instead of trying to control the way everything plays out.


When you operate from your structured self, you are limited, but when you operate from your fluid self, you aren’t scared to death of change and you are less resistant to the flow of life. Embodying fluidity allows you to make choices that are in alignment with your highest, best, and most authentic self.


In order to shift away from your structured self, stop identifying with false stories and question everything. Next time you think, “I am shy,” ask yourself if it’s true. In those moments, don’t identify with the belief, instead observe it: “I am experiencing shyness in this moment” instead of “I am shy.” This type of awareness allows you to create space between you and the behavior, which will lead to you figuring out what actually FEELS good for you.



Intention is everything. What is the feeling that you want to embody? Once you know your desired feeling, you’ll be able to make choices and take actions that align with that feeling. Releasing your death grip on structure and control can be scary, but which is worse? Surrendering to the natural flow of life with curiosity, or trying to maintain your grip on control, which, until this point in life, has only made you unhappy?

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