People pleasing is a topic that comes up a lot in the HFH community, because it’s often a block when it comes to living in alignment and experiencing life as your highest, best, and most authentic self. As a recovering people pleaser myself, I totally understand that the struggle is real.
So what is people pleasing? It’s when you value someone else’s experience over your own, and usually sacrifice your own needs, desires, and happiness to fulfill someone else’s. Raise your hand if you frequently say yes to something that is a firm no for you, and no to someone that you actually want to do. The reason so many of us tend to people please is because we have an underlying belief of “I’m not good enough.”
It’s time to stop sacrificing your own happiness and overcome people pleasing once and for all. Here are some of the top ways to do so:
Shift your belief. If you have an underlying belief of, “I’m not good enough,” then start to work on countering that belief. A great way to do this is by using something along the lines of, “I am in the process of believing that I am good enough.” You can’t shift a core belief overnight, so you need to start slow, be consistent, and really monitor your thoughts and mindset on the daily.
Value yourself. You are valuable, just because. Everything about you and your experience is valuable, and you need to start to believe it. You can’t spend all of your time and energy on others. It’s depleting, and when you keep giving from an empty cup, you will begin to resent the people you are giving to. Protect your own experience, and then give from a place of overflow. Say no when you mean no, and yes when you mean yes. Only give your time and energy to people, things, and experiences that light you up. The more you practice this, the easier it will become.
Set boundaries. Boundaries create flow and ease in your life. When you communicate your boundaries to others, it teaches them how to treat you. It sets the standard. Do what feels good to you, not what others want you to do. Also be mindful of others’ boundaries and respect them. Relationships are a two-way street, after all 😉
If you’ve been a people pleaser your entire life, you can’t just flip a switch and suddenly stop. But you can start to be more mindful of your beliefs and behaviors and how they translate to your everyday experience. Figure out what has to change. Hone in your on your needs and desires, and start to make yourself a priority in your own life.